Andei de carro a semana inteira. Jamal joga fora a toalha de papel. O seu carro faz Jornal olha diretamente dentro dos olhos de Theresa. Os Vampiros Emocionais jamais amadurecem. As coisas acontecem e eles simplesmente reagem a elas.
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At first, emotional vampires look better than regular people. Theyre as bright, talented, and charming as a Romanian count. You like them; you trust them; you expect more from them than you do from other people. You expect more, you get less, and in the end you get taken. You invite them into your life, and seldom realize your mistake until theyve disappeared into the night, leaving you drained dry with a pain in the neck, an empty wallet, or Emotional vampires draw you in, then drain you.
Even then, you wonder—is it them or is it me? Emotional vampires. Do you know them? Have you experienced their dark power in your life? Have you met people who seemed so perfect at first, but later turned out to be a perfect mess? Have you been blinded by brilliant bursts of charm that switched on and off like a cheap neon sign? Have you heard promises whispered in the night that were forgotten before dawn?
Have you been drained dry? When people are driving themselves crazy, they have neuroses or psychoses. When they drive other people crazy, they have personality disorders. The author considers the five that are most likely to cause people trouble in their daily life: Antisocial, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Obsessive-Compulsive, and Paranoid.
He chose these five because they occur most frequently in the population, and, more often than the others, they may be present to a subclinical degree. The main reason he chose these five is that each of the types discussed in the book, although pathological and draining, also has characteristics that people find very attractive. Over the course of more than 40 years as a psychologist and business consultant, He has seen that these five disorders consistently cause the most trouble for the most people, at home, at work, and everywhere in between.
Emotional vampires never grow up. Throughout their lives, they see themselves as victims of fate and the unpredictability of others. Emotional vampires take. They believe that whatever they want should be given to them immediately, regardless of how anyone else might feel about it.
Social creatures trust each other to follow basic social rules, and emotional vampires betray that trust. The universe is a cold and empty place when there is nothing in it bigger than your own need.
Emotional vampires see themselves as the innocent victims of forces beyond their control. Emotional vampires are not intrinsically evil, but their immaturity allows them to operate without thinking about whether their actions are good or bad. They see other people as potential sources for whatever they happen to need at the moment, not as separate human beings with needs and feelings of their own. The purpose of this book is not to consider the morality of emotional vampires, but to show how to spot them in your life and give you some ideas about what to do when you find yourself under attack by the forces of darkness.
Many of their most outrageous actions would make perfect sense if they were done by a two-year-old. Even people with small traces of personality disorders can show the same pattern of being alluring, draining, and fiendishly difficult to understand. It does kind of make you pay attention, and helps you think of these people as something more than everyday annoyances.
Emotional vampires will use you to meet whatever needs they happen to be experiencing at the moment. They have no qualms about taking your effort, your money, your love, your attention, your admiration, your body, or your soul to meet their insatiable cravings. They are not thinking about you at all. If you get angry at them because you think they are deliberately trying to hurt you, your misunderstanding will make you even more vulnerable.
They will see themselves as victims of your attack. Then you will become the target. Emotional vampires have no insight. Emotional vampires are far more comfortable with their own immaturity than you are with yours. Also, they have absolutely no shame. They can explode into all sorts of emotional outbursts whose only purpose is to get you to give in.
Every type of vampire has its own favorite kinds of tantrums. They yell, they cry, they pout, they lecture, they give you the cold shoulder, or they induce guilt even more skillfully than your mother. Remember, vampires thrive on confusion and misunderstanding. How could you be so stupid? The answer is the same as for everyone else who has been drawn in and drained by an emotional vampire.
You were hypnotized. Honest people are more damaged by lies than they need to be because they have little or no experience with lying themselves. They make one huge mistake that clouds their minds and often breaks their hearts: they believe that doing something wrong means the same thing to an emotional vampire as it does to them. They can fake it, but they have a hard time feeling it. These vampires love parties. They hate boredom worse than a stake through the heart. All they want out of life is a good time, a little action, and immediate gratification of their every desire.
Of all the vampires, Antisocials are the sexiest, the most exciting, and the most fun to be around. People take to them easily and quickly, and just as quickly get taken.
Ah, but those moments! Looking good is their specialty. Everything else is an unimportant detail. Histrionics have what it takes to get hired into your business or your life, but be careful. Histrionic means dramatic. What you see is all a show, and definitely not what you get. They believe that they never do anything unacceptable, like making mistakes or having bad thoughts about anyone.
What Narcissistic vampires want is to live out their grandiose fantasies of being the smartest, most talented, and all-around best people in the world.
Narcissists are legends in their own minds. Narcissists present a difficult dilemma. Although there is plenty of narcissism without greatness, there is no greatness without narcissism. Narcissists need to win. Even then, watch out. Better you should sneak up on their blind side with an ego massage and learn how to give them the adulation they need without giving in.
What you may not know is that all that attention to detail is designed to keep the Antisocial vampire inside safely contained. We may not always like them, but we need them. For Obsessive-Compulsives, the most important conflicts are internal. They take no joy in hurting others, but they will hurt you if your actions threaten their sense of control.
To Obsessive-Compulsives, surprises—even pleasant ones—feel like an ice-cold spray of holy water. The second-longest wait in the world is for Obsessive-Compulsives to make a decision. The longest wait is for them to speak even a single word of praise. Perfectionism, over-control, and attention to detail—Obsessive-Compulsive vampires indulge in vices that masquerade as virtues.
They habitually confuse process with product, and the letter of the law with its spirit. Your best protection from these vampires lies in continuing to keep your own eyes on the big picture and not getting lost with them in the dark forest of obsessive detail. The lure of Paranoids is not their fears, but what lies behind them.
Their goal is to know the Truth and banish all ambiguity from their lives. Paranoids live by concrete rules that they believe are carved in stone. They expect everybody else to live by these rules as well.
Think of them as the detectives of the vampire world. You feel safe and secure in their certainty—until you become a suspect. Paranoids can see through all forms of subterfuge to the heart of a matter. Just as easily, they can rip that heart out and tear it to pieces—especially when it belongs to someone close to them whose only crime is being human. Paranoids draw you in with their perceptiveness; they see the confusing and uncertain details of life so clearly.
Later, they drain you with endless probing of the uncertainty they perceive in you. What Paranoids never see is their own role in creating the ambiguity that so terrifies them. Their distrust invites duplicity. Their suspiciousness keeps people from telling them the whole truth. Naturally, they become even more guarded and suspicious.
What Paranoids really fear is the uncertainty at the center of their own souls. They desperately want to be close, but are terrified at the ambiguity that comes with closeness. They try to drive the desire for intimacy out of their hearts. In place of love, Paranoids search in vain for purity and truth. In the minds of Paranoids, truth, loyalty, courage, honor, and the like are not abstractions.
Vampiros emocionais: Personalidades que sugam o teu bem-estar e energia vital.
Vampiros Emocionais: Sou vítima de um vampiro?